Saturday, May 23rd, 2009 - Jamie, Hayden, and I were headed to the mall to get Jamie some new glasses. Jamie needed to use the restroom, so we just stopped at Wendy's to let him go to the restroom. He got back in the car and it hit me...I thought I had urinated on myself. So we are headed home for me to shower and change clothes and the more we went, the more I was going. I knew then it wasn't what I thought. It was what I was not ready for. My water had broken. We went straight to the ER and they rushed me to the room where they checked for amniotic fluid and that is what it was. I was dilated one centimeter and rather we were ready or not, this baby was coming. I had a good friend of mine that showed up to help with Hayden (thank you so much Vicki) and we had already called our parents to get them on the way. My parents were in Mobile, so they were 2 1/2 hours closer than they would have been at home. The nurses found the baby's heartbeat and it was good. At this point, I still had some faith left. We were told it would be a while before we went to have the baby. Then all of a sudden the nurses came in and said my doctor who was not on call was on her way to deliver our angel. She told me she would not miss it and she didn't. I just love her!! Anyway, the time came for us to have our baby. It was a very long ride down the hall to the surgical room. After much time, as the doctors were being very careful not to stress the baby out.....Jonah Myles McInnis was born at 2:38 p.m. He was precious, so beautiful, and was alive. Jamie and I got to hold him for a brief minute and off he went to the neonatal doctors. At that time, Dr. Moses (my doctor) leaned over the curtain and told me the worst news of my life...that our sweet baby boy could not live. She said he was just not compatible with life. How can this be? I just saw him, his little face, and he was perfect!! But I know there is more to just a sweet, perfect face. They finished with me and sent me to my room where I was able to hold our sweet Jonah. At this time, he was not alive. He only lived around 10 minutes. But I didn't care. I held him and loved him and kissed him and didn't want to let him go. Still confused as to why in the world this is happening, I had to hold on to my faith in God because he is the only one who knows why this horrible thing happened. Even though I knew it was coming and it was going to be hard, I never thought it would be this hard. My sweet baby was here and gone in a matter of minutes. I am so thankful they were able to tell what he was. I was so scared it would take 2 weeks to find out, and that would have been very hard. I had to sign a paper to release Jonah to the funeral home, and I believe that as well was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do. I was released from the hospital on Monday. I left empty inside, but knew my wonderful husband and sweet boys and my parents were there to help. I still feel empty, I know that feeling will not be soon to go away, and that is okay. I just have to grieve and deal with this the best I can.
We went to the funeral home and the cemetery today. We made all of the arrangements to bury our baby. There were about 3 times that I really thought I was going to pass out. Picking out the casket just BROKE my heart. I'm so thankful that Jamie was and has been by my side. For those of you that are wanting to know the arrangements, here they are:
Everyone will meet at Ott & Lee on Hwy 80 in Brandon, MS at 9:30. We are just lining up there because I decided to have a funeral procession for Jonah Myles. We thought he deserved that respect. We will leave at 9:45 to go to the cemetery, Floral Hills on Hwy 80 in Pearl. The funeral will begin at 10:00. We will have a graveside service for our sweet angel.
Thank you again for all of the calls, messages, texts, and most of all the prayers. Without prayers I know I would not have made it thru this. Please continue to pray.
Here are some pictures of our Jonah Myles McInnis.
Thank you again and God Bless you all!!!
Jennifer
What sweet pictures. He is beautiful. I found this poem and thought of you.
ReplyDeleteJESUS, IS HE WITH YOU?
Jesus is he with you?
I wonder every day
I sit and wonder why he's gone
And why he could not stay
Every part of me is empty
I fell I can't go on
But then I look to heaven
I hear this beautiful song
Mommy I am with him
He holds me in his arms
When ever I am with him
he keeps me safe and warm
He says you shouldn't worry
I am safe and loved right here
With all the other baby angels
that passed within the years
We have a special place up here
He thought that you should know
Where the Blessed Mother takes
your place for now until you show
When I hear this precious voice
From the heavens up above
I know that all the angels
are showering him with love
For everyone that wants to hear
their babies voice so innocent and sweet
Just close your eyes and begin to pray
and embrace them in your sleep.
Love,
Kristy
I wish I had the words to say to make you feel better...there just aren't any. I can tell you that it does get easier to cope...the emptiness never really goes away but you learn to adjust. It's been 16 1/2 years since my Shelby went home to Jesus and I still think about her often. I asked all the questions you are asking and I often wonder why she coudn't stay here with me. I know that just wasn't God's plan. (even though I don't understand it) I am so glad I was able to be there with you and Jamie and I'm so glad I was able to see that beautiful baby. I know him and Shelby are having a wonderful time playing at the feet of Jesus. We will see those beautiful babies again one day, but until then I am here if you need anything. I love you!
ReplyDeleteJenn, I can only send my love and tell you your Darling Jonah is in heaven with my Hamish, Joshua Sloterbeek and Joy Jones. My love and thoughts go to you at this very difficult time. If you need a chat, especially with someone who has a had a babe with LBWC, we are here.
ReplyDeleteHeaps of love...
Kym
Melbourne Australia
XXX
What a beautiful angel! I am so thankful you got to meet your precious boy. I am praying for your family.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful boy! I just prayed for you all yesterday as we left the cemetery after having planted flowers at Joshua's "spot". We had been gone so I didn't even know he had been born. Love to you, Holding you in my prayers,
ReplyDeleteDawn
What a precious little boy. Thank you so much for the strength and courage in sharing with all of us. We love you, Jaime, and Cameron very much. I am sorry that I cannot be there. Tonee
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you got to have and meet your sweet little Jonah! Thank you for your faith in God, for your courage to be the mom He asked you to be. I am glad you have such a close friend in Vicki - lean on her.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard, all that you are going through. It gets harder, and deeper, and there is such an emptiness. My Maddy was my first baby and for months my arms ached because I no longer held her, and my body hurt because I no longer carried her. But God is there, He is there! Thank God He has been with me! Thanks to the Holy Spirit, I have never once doubted that her life was less than God meant it to be, I just miss that season I had to hold her here on earth. He is inside you, and He will bring you and your husband and children through the dark parts and out to the other side where you still hold your Jonah in your heart, and still miss him, but there is peace. There IS PEACE from the Holy Spirit.
Praise God for his blessings! Praise God for his plan for Each One of US! Jonah's is God's son, part of God's plan, and he is living God's plan! He has still got so much to do, and fortunatly, he is happy and safe and not hurting, in heaven right now. YES! How much I am glad that my Maddy is already there too, not dealing with the fears and stresses of this battle ground.
My prayers will be with you during this difficult time.
Jennifer He is so beautiful!!! I love you all very much and will continue to pray for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteYour precious Jonah Myles is absolutely beautiful! thank you for sharing pictures and your story...we were praying for you and will continue to lift up your family in prayer as you continue through this difficult time!
ReplyDeleteHe is Beautiful! I dont have the words to express to you, But you have your faith in our lord and he will see you through anything! Keep your faith strong! If you need anyone please call, text etc....
ReplyDeleteLove Ya!
Chrissy
Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteI just returned back from my vacation this evening and checked your blog. Jonah is absolutley beautiful. I'm so glad you got to hold him while he was alive. I hope you can feel God's loving arms around you holding you close. I wish I could give you a big hug as well. Praying for you and your family, and the peace that only He can bring.
Much love,
Sharleen
He is so beautiful!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry.
May the Lord grant you the comfort that surpasses all understanding.
Today has been a month. I am praying for peace for your family.
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog, and I wanted to thank you for your posts. I know that they are hard to write, but they help so very much. My daughter Amanda is carrying baby Gabriel who also has been diagnosed with Limb-Body Wall. He is due Nov. 11th. They lost baby Felix last year at 24 weeks for no apparent reason, and were so happy to be pregnant again. They have 3 wonderful healthy children ages 5,4, and 2 1/2.
ReplyDeleteJonah is beautiful. Thank you for sharing his picture with us. I'm so glad you got to hold him while he was alive too. We are praying that will be the case with Gabriel as well. I'll be praying for you and your family as you continue your grieving process. Know that God is holding you as tightly as He is Jonah right now.
I just realized I never got a chance to thank you all!! I really do want to thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart for everything!! Thank you for the kind words, it means so much!!
ReplyDeleteTeresa, I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. Please tell her if she ever wants to contact me about anything, to do so. My email is jenniferrmcinnis@gmail.com. I will be praying for her and your family.