I have so many emotions going on right now; I thought I would write…I had a dr. appt. Wednesday. Jamie went with me and we didn’t see much on the sonogram. The baby was not very active that morning or Tuesday night. Matter of a fact, wasn’t moving at all. It finally started moving AFTER the sonogram (isn’t that how it goes usually)? We saw the very strong heartbeat and the baby’s legs and arms moving everywhere. It is weird to see the baby moving, but not able to feel it. I can feel movements, just not all of them. After the sonogram, we met with my dr. and she said this baby has done things they didn’t think it would. Jamie asked about the legs moving as we were told originally that the legs would never move because of the short spine. She said she didn’t know. He had some other questions as far as what will happen after the baby is born. Again, she didn’t know. This is not because she is not an experienced doctor, it’s simply because having a baby with this condition, you just never know what to expect. She did tell us that she would immediately get us to the room (in the event that the baby is living at the time of birth) so we can spend as much time as we can with him/her. She also said something that was strange to me – she said that they would do everything they could to keep the baby if it was at all possible. This confused me because we were told that there was zero chance of survival. We asked and she told us that IF the baby has all of its organs, there may be a chance of survival, but it was VERY slim. Most babies are born without all of the organs. I would LOVE for our baby to live, but I’m not going to get my hopes up that it is going to. I’m just going thru this knowing that God has a plan. I have done research for Limb, Body, Wall to see if I could find a baby that survived this horrible condition and I did find a medical study in Tokyo that the doctors were able to save the baby. It had all of its organs and they used Karaya Gum sheets where the stomach wall was missing. I don’t know a lot about the details, but did find one case which was interesting. Right now, I look at the situation like – I will take whatever the good Lord above gives us. I am grateful for being able to stay healthy thru this and the longer I am pregnant and the longer the baby has a strong heartbeat, the more of a chance that we can spend some time with it. I am grateful that since God had already made plans for this baby, he let us know early on, so that we didn’t go buy things for the baby, etc. So if the baby doesn’t make it, I feel like we have been blessed either way. I have had a few mothers contact me that have gone thru and going thru the same situation as us and it has helped so much. There are so many unanswered questions. I usually try not to think about it as much, but now that time is drawing to an end, it’s hard not to think about it so much. I love this baby and I know everything will be okay because it’s in good hands with the Lord above. I am having more emotional breakdowns than I was, but I think again it’s because I know I am over 32 weeks and it’s getting close to the end of the pregnancy. I’m holding on to my faith and praying everyday for God’s will to be done.
Jenn
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hi, I am Sarah, I emailed you in March, and you sent me a reply recently. I am glad you started a blog - I have been thinking about you alot. It has been more than three years since Maddy was born, and I have long since that time known that God was in clomplete control of her life, and that everything happened the way it was meant to happen. I have no regrets about any thing we did. What I do miss is carrying her, and holding her. Talking to her, feeling her, singing to her, considering her in every move I made. I have come across 3 moms who have been and are currently going through this same type of situation here in this area, including you. One whose baby was born on April 13, and passed away a couple hours later - Joy Kathryn. One whose sweet little girl, Klhoe, was born this morning at 4 am. So far I believe she is still alive.
ReplyDeleteThese wonderful special people live lives that only God has answers for, and only God governs them. They truly live for God, and never have to fight that terrible battle that clouds our minds. I am so happy to know about them, and look forward to being in heaven and meeting them.
Sometimes the people whose lives are the quickest to pass through this earth are the ones that make the greatest impact for God's kingdom. They work the hardest at making us who we were meant to be.
I will keep up on your blog. Your husband is right - it is ok - cry, ask questions, weep, sigh, mourn with no words, hold your child, smile for baby, laugh for baby, lay in daddy's arms for baby, let your children talk to baby, and thank God for that wonderful blessing, His child that he entrusted to you for this time. There are a couple things I suggest for remembering your labor and delivery experience. Take as little pain medication as possible so you don't miss things. Do as much as you possibly can with your baby, let daddy go with baby if they let him. Sometimes, even in your case, if you talk with the staff and let them know you are prepared for what baby will look like they may consider letting him go with. If baby passes away soon, get handprints, footprints, molds, pictures, VIDEO (I did not and regret it), locks of hair, use a special blanket that you guys pick out (I made one but didn't use it which I should have). I will be praying for you, and hope you get the most that you can out of this time with your little one.
Sending Jesus Hands -Sarah
Hi. I came across your blog from another blog I read. My heart goes out to you and your family. We are coming to 2 years when we welcomed our 4th child into our world and then returned him to his Heavenly Father 14 days later. I don't know if someone has shared with you about the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep Foundation. It is the most amazing group to offer us a rememberance of our children. I wish I had asked them to come take pictures while I was pregnant and then when I took Walker home and at the funeral. I do have pictures done by them at the hospital and I am amazed at the love that was captured. I just wanted to share with you a way to capture the momements with all the family instead of one taking the pictures. My prayers will be with you on this journey. Thanks for sharing your heart and family.
ReplyDeleteJennifer,
ReplyDeleteYou are so right...when you can just leave it in God's hands it realy just takes so much pressure off trying to figure everything out. Nothing is a surprise to Him and He already knows exactly how things are going to play out. Doctors can be wrong. They told me throughout my pregnancy that Joy was missing her right leg...even after my MANY sonograms. They were wrong, and she was born with both legs. Even though Joy did not survive, I considered it a victory that she had both legs.
This little baby is already defying the odds and I am praying the he or she surprises us all!!
Love & Blessings....Sharleen